Thank God..

Gak nyangka, ternyata keputusannya diberi tau hari ini..
Ternyata aku masih boleh tetap tinggal bekerja di sini.. Terima kasih Tuhan..
Di satu sisi terasa lega, tapi di sisi lain merasa sedih juga melihat banyak teman yg harus pergi..
Apalagi masih harus selama 2 bulan duduk di depan teman yg terpaksa pergi..
Gak bisa ditulis rasanya gimana.. gak enak banget.. campur aduk ;(
Moga2 dia cepat dapat kerja baru..

*I know now that God will always make a way.. all we need is just to believe that..*

Dag Dig Dug

Ternyata begini ya rasanya,
gak punya uang, kedinginan, dan gak jelas 3 bulan ke depan bakal ada dimana..
hmm.. gak sedih sih, cuman merasa agak tragis hehe..
(mungkin krn itu jd ga bisa ngerasa sedih lg hehehehe :p)
Jadi bayangin org2 yg ga punya rumah dan ga punya pekerjaan.. *sigh*
Aku msh beruntung ternyata. masih boleh bersyukur..
Yah, mayan lah buat pelajaran besok2.. spy ga terulang lagi.

btw, makan nasi anget2 pake telor dadar bawang merah sama tomat segar dipotong2 plus kecap manis ternyata enak jg ya.. *slurup*

Depression Level

Iseng2 lagi pusing, then got this one from Are You Depressed? :p

Your Depression Level: 56%

You seem to have mild depression.A lot of people fall into your range, and it's quite possible you don't need treatment.If you've been feeling this way for a while, you may want to seek help.

And these are things I've chosen (the site ask to check if it happened during the last two weeks):

- You are doing things much slower than usual. YES
- You are bothered by things that usually don't bother you. YES
- You have had periods of feeling low that last for at least several hours. YES
- You've had trouble concentrating. YES
- Things that used to be interesting to you are no longer interesting. NO
- Your energy level has been low. YES
- Your future has seemed hopeless. NO
- You have been preoccupied with death, dying, or suicide. NO
- You feel like you've lost some confidence. YES
- You are easily irritated. YES
- You are afraid that something bad is going to happen to you. YES
- You've been sleeping a lot more or less than usual. YES
- You have lost or gained five pounds. YES
- It is difficult for you to make decisions. NO
- You feel like no one likes you anymore. NO
- You have aches or pains that can't be explained. YES
- You have been avoiding your friends. YES
- You feel like you have nothing to live for. NO
- Nothing seems important to you. NO
- It takes a lot of effort to do the most simple of tasks. NO
- You feel sad or blue. YES
- You feel like a failure. YES
- You feel more dead than alive. NO
- You feel trapped in your life. NO
- You feel depressed, even if something good happens. NO

Kacrut juga ya.. :( sebel sendiri..
well, at least I could admit to myself that I'm currently like that.. It's better than denial.
BUT, I don't want to increase that level at all.. !!
I hate being depressed!!! grgrrrrr.. !?&"§!!'#*! pingin aku tampol-tampolin semuanya!!

Si Jelek

Semakin sering mikir2, mengingat2, merenung2,
kok semakin jelas keliatan betapa jeleknya sifat2 di dalam diri aku ini ya.. :(
Jelek banget deh!
hmm.. jadi sudah sepantasnya saat ini aku menuai apa yg sudah aku tabur dulu2..
Moga2 aja bisa aku ubah sedikit-sedikit.

Jadi, saya memang tidak sebaik apa yang anda lihat, dengar, dan pikirkan..
Makanya kalo kamu tau hal2 yg jelek dr saya, dengan senang hati saya mau mendengarnya.. soalnya saya belum punya hati yang peka untuk mengerti kejelekan saya sendiri..
Yah, moga2 aja suatu saat nanti bakal punya.

Kalo udah sadar gini, akhirnya mau ga mau emang mesti gali terus sampe tau semua jelek2 itu (bikin buku pengakuan dosa dong ya? hehe) Sapa tau trus bisa dibenerin jd baik.
Tapi akibat sampingnya, jd gak berani dekat2 sama orang lain.
Takut.

Hanya Tuhan-kah yg bisa mengubah?

Barusan lagi merenung-renung gak jelas, sampe akhirnya memikirkan kenapa orang bisa berubah.
Trus abis itu merembet ke pemikiran gimana cara mengubah orang lain.. tapi trus langsung teringat perkataan seorang teman:
"kalo orgnya ga pingin berubah, ya cuman Tuhan yg bisa mengubah.."
Hm.. benar jg ya.
Kita yg cuma punya kuasa atas diri kita sendiri (itu pun ga mutlak), kok ya berani-beraninya mau mengubah orang lain..
Akhirnya ya cuma tinggal bisa berdoa aja deh sama Tuhan, minta yg terbaik.

Btw, ada gak yg pernah merasa kasihan dgn orang yg terlihat membenci kita? (aku pake "terlihat" di sini krn kita kan susah utk tau isi hati org lain.. sapa tau pura2 membenci tapi ternyata cinta kan bisa aja.. hehehe :p)
Misalnya, ada temen yg tiap kali ketemu aku bawaannya jutek mulu.. pdhl aku udah berusaha ramah tabah dan sederhana (Lho?! eh, itu semboyannya tarki deng.. :p)
Kayaknya dia pingin banget aku hilang dari permukaan bumi.. hehe..
Tapi trus aku kok kadang jadi suka kasihan ya ngeliat temenku itu.. Pasti capek kan kalo harus jutek mulu setiap ketemu aku..
kalo ditanya kenapa jutek mulu, dia cuman diem aja. Ya wes lah..
mungkin pd akhirnya aku yg pergi menghindar aja.
Atau jgn2 dia jg dah coba menghindari aku tapi akunya ndablek..hihihi.. :p

Kalo gitu ceritanya, sama aja tdk menyelesaikan persoalan ya?
Aku sih lebih suka dikasih tau blak2an apa penyebab dia selalu jutek. Biarpun sakit tapi kan itung2 membantu aku jd lebih baik nantinya.. sapa tau dia jg trus lega dan jd ga jutek lagi..

Tapi akhirnya balik lagi deh,
org kyk aku punya kuasa apa sih thdp org lain..
Jadi mending byk doa aja deh sama Tuhan.

eh, tapi bisa jd temenku udah berpikir 1 langkah di depan aku.
mungkin dia udah tau, kalo ngubah org itu ga mungkin.. makanya ngapain perlu ngasih tau alasan dia jutek.. mending temenan sama yg lain aja..

wiihh... kok gitu ya?
hmm.. jd kepikiran lg,
jgn2 aku pernah berada di posisi dia..

*masih perlu lebih byk belajar menempatkan kakiku di sepatu orang lain.. :(*
~wah dah jam 12 lewat tp kok blum ngantuk ya??~

Life Mission

Two years ago I wrote about how we should state our life mission (see here).
I know that it's important, but then I forgot it.
Until now, I don't know yet what my life mission is..
Yes I know, how pathetic I am.
I've wasted so much time without really thought about it.
And I feel ashamed to this boy who knows already what he wants to be, even before he's turned 20.
I hope it's not too late for me..
*sigh*

Greatest Love of All

I know this Whitney Houston's song: The Greatest Love of All since a long time ago, but I just understand the lyrics now..
It's because my friend said that I should be like what this song's saying; therefore I read its lyrics.
And now I know what I want.. :)

Everybody searching for a hero - People need someone to look up to - I never found anyone who fulfill my needs - A lonely place to be - So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows - If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe - No matter what they take from me - They can't take away my dignity - Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me

Inside of me - The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve - Learning to love yourself - It is the greatest love of all

And if by chance, that special place - That you've been dreaming of - Leads you to a lonely place - Find your strength in love

Kepleset (beneran)

Haduhh.. sepertinya aku udah mencoba memulai hari ini dgn optimis deh. Tapi kok ya ada aja..
Bis pertama telat datangnya, bis kedua udah gak kekejar.
Eh trus iseng naek bis lain, di tengah jalan ada kecelakaan..
Abis itu, pas lg jalan abis turun bis mo ke kantor, tau tau kepleset di jalan.. ternyata jalannya licin ada es-nya.. waduhh.. pingin nangis deh.. itu ada laptop di tas kyknya kecium jalan juga deh.. selain pinggulku.. :((
Sampe kantor cepet2 cek laptop. Masih nyala sih.. tapi kyk ada suara2 lain gitu hiks2..
Moga2 gpp deh..

hmm.. I wish the rest of the day will be okay.. :)

Berbagi Suami

I'm currently watching Berbagi Suami (English title: Love to share), an Indonesian movie directed by Nia Dinata.
I can't stand to post comments here for that film, although I haven't finished watching it.
It's a great movie with great stories..! ckckckck.. Makes me laughing and saying these at the same time: "how can that happen??" "wieso?" "Oh my God" "whatt??" "huahaha" ..
Unbelievable.. :)

Tumbling Down

I see the world comes tumbling down
Things come and hit me one by one
When I'm facing one, another suddenly comes
One by one, they suddenly come

I'm not afraid, and I should not be afraid
I'll face everything one by one
Come to me, hey all of you there
I'm not afraid, though I'll fight you alone

This is the time, yes my time has really come
This is not about you, us, them and universe
It's about me, me, and it's only me

I will be strong, and I'll walk through those days
Until the day where I can say:
I have won my war, I have found you there
And start on that day, nothing's really matter

*wehh.. isn't it good enough to be a song lyrics? ;p*

Pelajaran Hari ini

Kehadiran seorang teman yg sebentar saja ternyata mampu membantu membalikkan rasa tertekan menjadi sedikit kelegaan..
Menakjubkan juga ya.
Yang diperlukan kadang hanya menyapa dan ngobrol ngalor ngidul gak jelas.. tanpa harus menumpahkan segala permasalahan kita ke dia.. :)


*makasih ya chin.. :)*

Oh God..

"Hidup itu harus diperjuangkan."

Gak nyangka, ternyata slogan simple yg dulu pernah jadi sloganku waktu kuliah dulu, skrg bener-bener mesti aku jalani.
Gile ya. Lain kali gak mau ah milih2 slogan yg sok2-an hehe.
Coba dulu milihnya: hidup itu akan selalu menyenangkan. :p

Nah, jadi skrg aku bersiap2.
Siap-siap untuk berjuang.
Bukan berjuang melawan penjajah, tapi berjuang melawan diri sendiri dan berjuang untuk mendapatkan yang terbaik. Itung-itung sekalian kalo bisa memberi kontribusi setitik buat dunia yg segede bagong ini.. hehehe.. *gaya deh*

Pokoknya mau bertempur sampai titik darah penghabisan deh..

Kalo ngomong soal titik darah penghabisan,
jadi inget lagi deh slogan lamaku..
MAJU TERUS PANTANG MUNDUR! :)

Oiya, maap gak bisa ngajak2. Ini hanya melibatkan aku dan aku saja.
Sekali-sekali mikirin diri sendiri gak papa kan ya?
Eh tapi boleh gak minta doanya aja? :p

~sorry kalo terbaca agak ngawur.. nulisnya pas saat badan masih melayang2..~