Terlalu Baik Juga Tidak Baik

This weekend I've learnt and understood some things about life and relationship with people.

First thing (and this is the main lesson) is, don't be too kind to other people. It can destroy yourself and the people that you give your kindness, with or without you/she/he realizes it.
It can destroy yourself, because of course we all know that often people can take advantage of our kindness. Because they see that you won't say no, you will do what they want you to do without any objection, you even don't think that's something behind, something's hided from you, and you just do it.
Eventhough perhaps you feel some strange feelings, know that something's not right, or somehow you can feel that you're being manipulated, but you still stay calm and try not to think a bad things about that person.
I think we all ever on this kind of situation, only some of us can immediatelly realize that her/his kindness is being used by others, some take longer time, while the other perhaps until the end of his/her life won't realize it.
On the other way around, I think we all also ever become the one who takes advantage on other's kindness. Sometimes we know it, sometimes we just don't realize it.

I'll take one example, from a story of man-woman relationship. Although this is an extreme example but you'll see some commons "character-by-nature"(?) of man and woman there besides about the kindness itself.

There's a couple who had married for more than 10 years. Someday the husband met another woman and dated her. Then he asked for divorce because the woman asked him to marry her. The man couldn't say no (man's problem no 1). The wife couldn't do anything but accepted what the man wanted (woman's problem no 1). The woman wanted to get married as soon as possible, but it's not that easy. The divorce process took some time. During the process, the wife still showed the will to get together, but there's no chance. While the wife went for holiday, the husband brought the woman into their house. Later on the wife knew (woman's problem (or strenght?) no 2: intuition) that the husband made a lie by manipulating / making such arrangement so the wife wouldn't find out / couldn't know what's hided by the husband (man's problem no 2).
At the end, the wife gave everything what the husband wanted. And also she helped him so the husband could marry the woman soon (woman's problem no 3: being hurted thousands time wouldn't change the love she has :p). And she's asked to be the woman's friend, for the woman had no friend in that country, by the parents of the husband.

The last sentence is an example how sometimes people cross the very end-border of other's kindness, they just don't know the border.
The wife is so kind, so they think it's Okay to ask her like that..
But actually they don't think about her feeling at all.
This is what we sometimes do to other, to our friend, to someone we care/love, unconsciously.
The person who is being used, also sometimes couldn't see that the border has been crossed, and she/he couldn't say NO..

About the story itself, finally the wife is able to say NO, and realizes that she now has her self-esteem.

I note some situations which I found often happened on man-woman relationships, see the underlines on the example above. That's the second lesson, but until now I still couldn't understand, especially the man's part.

I'm writing this actually only to remind me. Of course I'm not the angel-type person who's always nice and kind to other people, especially to the people I love. But somehow, the more I re-think, the more I realize that it happened also to me. Sometimes I was too kind.. sometimes I couldn't say no.. sometimes I couldn't get angry.. and sometimes others like to hide something from me because.. I don't know (this part which I still couldn't understand).. perhaps because they don't want to hurt me, or don't want me to know the reality, or they just think it's the better way to treat me.. and often at the end I just know myself what was happened, sometimes I just feel sad, but couldn't say to the person that what he/she has done has humiliated me.
*sigh* Finally I can say that word. Well, at least here.

Updated on Mon, Apr 28:
I've forgotten, that sometimes I humiliated other people also, without I notice it.. :(

Lesson no 3: we as an individual, should have self-esteem. Other won't respect you until you can give value to yourself. Easy to say, difficult to do.. trust me.
wihh.. capek juga.
Ya sutrah, pokoknya aku tidak sudi direndahkan lagi..
Mesti hati2 jg, jgn sampai lah merendahkan orang lain..

Jadi inget, kemaren pas pulang dr rumah temen malem2, di bus ada seorang nenek dengan dandanan menor + pakaian dugem nya duduk di depanku. Dua penumpang cewek di seberang senyum2 ngeliat si nenek ini yg lagi sibuk ngaca. Aku cuman bisa diam. Jadi merasa kasian. Sepertinya si nenek pingin balik muda lagi. Ya itu haknya dia lah kalo mau dandan menor. Tapi yg pasti bukan hak kita utk merendahkannya..