Kok Gampang Stress Sekarang.. :(

Kenapa ya sekarang jadi gampang banget stress sama kerjaan.. Cuma baca satu imel panjang berisi pertanyaan2 tentang kerjaan, jadinya langsung kepikiran. Kadang suka mikir, apa jgn2 salah ya yg aku kerjain? Stress gak bisa meyakinkan orang lain kalo hasil kerjaku itu berguna, gak cuma bikin tambah kerjaan orang lain aja..
If this comes over and over again, then maybe it's the time to set another priority.

I'll always be right there..

I don't know why Bryan Adam's song, I'll always be right there, is always in my head. Especially every time I feel alone (not lonely), it's just coming then I start humming... Never remember all the lyrics, but the first sentence would be enough: "I swear to you, I will always be there for you, there's nothing I won't do.." I don't know, I just like it and feel peaceful. Strange though. 
In our life, we must ever have some time where we feel like living alone, or we do live alone. I know that for many people, it is almost impossible to have that situation - means, they cannot live apart from their family, friends, or the ones they love. But sometimes we don't have any choices. It's like a training, how you learn to rely on yourself (and God - of course, for I still believe he's everywhere and so he's there also even when you're alone), and not to depend on other people.. or more, not to attach to other. 
I learn that being alone means also sometimes making distance. Particularly if you've experienced how attachment (to the other people) really could bring no good for your own life, then you create the line. And from time to time you try not to cross that line again, or you'll get hurt (or afraid to get hurt)..
hmmm.. I wish I know when to cross that line and when not to do that.

Soto Ayam Bikin Mikir

Kadang suka mikir, sebenernya mau kemana hidup gue. Jauh dari keluarga, sendirian.. semuanya jauh. Kalo ngeliat orang lain sepertinya mrk punya sesuatu yg diabdikan. Seperti keluarga misalnya. Kadang suka mikir, normal gak sih. Memang ada yg ilang sih. Dulu, setiap langkah ada tujuannya. Masuk sekolah.. SD, biar lulus dan masuk SMP. Abis itu biar masuk SMA, abis itu biar masuk uni, abis itu biar bisa kerja. Abis kerja, pingin kuliah lagi di sini, kejar lagi.. Abis kuliah lagi, trus cari kerja lagi. Trus kerja deh. Trus abis itu? hmm.. Skrg cita2 yg dikejar itungannya per taun. Taun ini pingin punya sim. Taun depan mau melakukan A. Selain itu.. umur 40, pingin punya rumah sendiri.. :D *cita2..* hmm.. pingin punya anak juga sih.. tapi baru pingin doang. Begitu ditanya kalo begini begitu gmn, errrr.. gak tau :p *ngelesnya: tar aja dipikir kalo udah punya anak beneran hehe* 
Kayaknya dimana2 orang pingin punya hidup yg lurus2 ya. Lahir-sekolah-kerja-kawin-punya anak-ngawinin anak-punya cucu- ... :) Tapi ga semua kyk gitu deng. Byk hal yg terjadi pada setiap "-". Semakin dipikir semakin pusing. Tapi kalo gak dipikir baik2, takut hidup akan jd sia2. Kok ya ga ada hal yg berguna. 
Kata Susi, hidup bukan cuma kerjaan doang. Enjoy the life. Kadang suka terperangkap. Untung bisa keluar setiap kali terperangkap. Kadang mikir, bakal sampai kapan spt ini. Kapan bakal mulai lagi episode yg lain. Di sini atau entah dimana lagi. Jadi takut. Entah karena makin bertambah usia, jadi makin byk mikir. Kalo liat ke belakang, ke sana kemari tanpa takut apa2. Begitu skrg harus mikir jauh ke depan, malah jd bingung. Takut? mungkin. Hmm.. gak normal kyknya gue. Harusnya ga usah takut ya. Apapun bisa terjadi lagi. 
Either you take it, or you will regret it.. 
*pikiranruwetgakkaruan*

It's still sad

It's still sad here, when something reminds me of what I've been through those long years.. It's just sad.. I thought it will be better now. But still, it cannot really be erased. Well, I guess not. 


Sometimes I'm just afraid. There is no real love.

Stress Management

I've been thinking how to cope with stress and manage my works in a better way while I was at home yesterday afternoon.. then here is the solution I found so far:
1. Don't touch the work and avoid to sit too much in front of computer when you're home
2. Work on one thing at a time
3. Carefully manage the calendar - make sure you have still some free time to finish your works (whole day meeting is okay, but to have it 5 days in a row is not a good idea) --> this is the most important thing I should remember now
4. Find the right people to discuss with - people who really understand and know the topic, and most important: people who care about simplicity; PLUS it's sometimes better to have small group than big group of people for discussion/working
5. Priority, priority, priority - know exactly what/which have to do first, right now, and later
6. Sometimes maybe it's necessary to be headstrong


fiuhh.. let see if it gives something good.

It's the time

Why is it so difficult to start writing something.. hmm.. 


It's about the work. For the first time in 2.5 years working here, I'm thinking about setting up my finish line. It's just too much. I feel like I couldn't finish much. And that's only one thing. I feel like if I want to move on and make result, I have to change myself, from collective type of person to (a bit) I-don't-care or I-want-this-way type of person. Of course after I've listened to people who REALLY know what and how, and not the people who THINK they know what is right and wrong, what is allowed and not allowed. This is FRUSTRATING.. I don't know if I can drastically do that.


I learned a lot. Learned how it is difficult to get people thinking a bit outside the box, at least to accept that there might be other ways than the ways we normally have. 
Unfortunately I couldn't learn as fast as I want to, to be at the same page with the people who understand things very well, so I couldn't argue :(


Sometimes I just think that it's only leadership problem, the decision maker. No one could really want to take a full decision. A decision where no one couldn't even question back. For sure no one wants to go into details. Because once they go, they will learn how SIMPLICITY is above many things. 


I do realize that simplicity is the key to make things running. At least running first. How can I convince people to do things which are complicated while they can find other simple way? Just for the shake of "it is not correct way, it is not in the system, blablabla" then we should do simple things in more complicated way?


I'm working in service development. You have no idea how the two additional "Ps" can really make huge difference in the development. "People" always want to have simple "Process", but it's also "People" who make simple "Process" more complicated. Often (unfortunately) using the system as the reason.


I set my finish line in 2 years. Five years would be enough to let them having something that they've just talked for years. Well, at least the beginning. And it's already something real, better than just talking.


Fuihh.. I should survive.. *wish me luck*