You are what you are

I had an uneasy feeling last week, when a (half) British gentleman (I guess he is) gave his 2-second-look at me. I don't know how to explain it better using my not-perfect English.. You know what I mean, when someone look at 2 points of you, up (your face) and down (your shoes?). Something like that. Why is it uneasy? First because I think I shouldn't have had my crogs winter boots at the office (well, I just tried to be practical - for I was going to go to the cold and windy north, so it's better to just have that comfortable boots). Second, because I feel being underestimated (again, I think it's just my feeling which said that). However thanks to my head which keeps the balance, it said: "it must be difficult to be his girlfriend - to make sure you're always looking right and good (thanks that I don't have boyfriend who like to criticize how I look and what I wear)", AND "he looks tired, it must be difficult to have that on his shoulder, that someday (perhaps) he should think on the life of more than 9000 people. I cannot imagine myself on his position."
Which brought me then to the thought of running my own business - whatever it is. It is big responsibility when it comes to the life of your employees. Fiuhh.. Not sure if the real owner ever really be able to retire. 
Speaking about responsibility, I suddenly saw another big one. I never really thought about that part, but now it makes me thinking hard. Am I ready for that?

New Year Resolution?

Writing more often, perhaps one of the resolution I should have for this year. Once you're writing, you're actually learning. So stop writing means stop learning? Could be.


However I learnt something about myself today. 
Buying frozen pizza for dinner turned out to be not an easy decision for me. Somehow it's easier to decide for buying shoes. *strange*


Just went back from 3-short-week vacation, and I need another additional week just to sort out many things (i mean: cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.. hmm.. plus ironing).


Back to the topic. Second resolution.. hmm.. I really would like to get answers of my unanswered questions (see previous posting below). I must admit, that it's for the sake of my self (isn't it okay to be egoistic once?). The problem is, it's not as easy as I thought. Or people just made it difficult. Why can you just come here to visit me, then we just sit and talk - or it's more: I ask, you talk / tell the stories honestly, and I listen? Not more than that. People sometimes are worried of what others' thinking or feeling. 


I learnt something else also. When a couple separated, in lots of people mind, they should then just walk their own separate way. There is no need to cross path again, even to talk. The past is the past. Personally, I don't agree on that. The past gives you lesson learned, people that you crossed your life with, and memories. Those are things which enrich your soul. Cutting the past and pretending that you have no past is like trying to kill part of your soul. 


I think everybody knows that to love someone means also accepting his/her past. So to love yourself means also accepting your past. I accept my past without regretting those years I was with him, for example. However sometimes we've made mistake also, by trying to cut other's past.


Anyway, the past also sometimes brings some consequence to the current or future. Some promises that we made, even though the situation has changed now, it should not be broken and has to carry on. Like long time ago I've promised to her, that whatever happens between me and him, she will always be like my own mom and so I'll always be like a daughter to her. A promise that I will always keep. *Some people might think that I'm weird.*


Last thing in mind for the resolution. Love yourself, free yourself. 


Happy Belated Blessed New Year! =)